Describing Each Other

Gathered around me is everyone I have ever known.  Each is holding a negative perception of me.  I see how very little any of them know me.  It seems their reasoning is based on what they need which has nothing to do with whom I truly am.  Unfortunately, this is not a shareable idea since each will be quick to defend their correct analysis.  

 

Once I believed them.  

 

Presently, I nod and dismiss all of their ideas of me.  Neither do I take the time to show them how those ideas are limited.  If I were to try and explain, they would hear me saying, "You do not see - what you think you see."  Convinced I cannot face the truth of my flawed self, a defense response would be futile. Confrontation would further inspire their righteousness.  They would rush to enlighten me and prove they see clearly.

 

Understanding that I am the only one who can possibly know my intent, I am busy peeling off the negative comparative coating they have glued to my skin.  Husking myself is not easy since most of my life I thought the coating was mine although it pinched something awful.  

 

Happily, I get it now. The many selves formed by the subjective preferences of who enters my life are false.  My authentic essence is only available when I understand that the selves others see, as me, are a lie.

 

You see, those other selves, are ghosts created by someone's needs. 

 

 

If someone says I am too philosophical, someone needs me to admire their acquired knowledge and stop asking questions.  If someone describes me as not a good listener, they need me as an audience.  If I am described as being aloof, they need me to pay attention.  If I am described as clingy, they need distance.  If I am described as boring, they need entertainment.  In being labeled lazy, I am not meeting someone's need of a work ethic.  In being described anal, I am disturbing someone's need for relaxation.  

 

In fact, I do not exist.  Seeing through the expectant hope of how I can satisfy personal needs, they label me as their lack unfulfilled.  In not gratifying their impoverishment, I am judged by their unsatisfied craving.  

 

This is also true when I do satisfy their expectations.  If I offer admiration for their acquired knowledge, listen and say little, give my full attention or at times, give space or dispel their boredom, I am wonderful.

 

How do I know this?  

 

Because in investigating why there is conflict in relationships, I learned I was doing the same thing to them.

 

I am not a ghost born to satisfy your needs.  I am an awareness that changes and learns that I am an awareness here to change and learn.  You are also not a ghost born to satisfy my needs but an awareness waiting to realize that you are not the self I wish you to be.

 

 

 

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Comments (14)

  1. firewalker

    I like this

    April 29, 2017
    1. greunie

      April 29, 2017
  2. EZWAYZ

    Lol, life is a self test not a journey or a “they with the most toys wins” event. And as a self test, a requirement is learning or repetition of the test. Passing a particular test only advances you to the next phase of the test. Anyone who thinks they can go through life without a trial has already failed a test. Others don’t fail our tests for us. Others can’t pass our tests for us. All others can do at best is prepare us, cheer us, and comfort us. And that in a nutshell is why we have tests in life. To be our best at helping, encouraging, and comforting others. And a true teacher is always true to themselves.

    April 29, 2017
    1. greunie

      Forgive my obtuseness, I am having trouble correlating my post with your comment and your word – test. I hope you take the time to say more.

      April 29, 2017
      1. EZWAYZ

        Lol, I often ramble on quite coherently to myself but at a complete loss to others.
        .
        We must lose our “self” to find our “self”. We are not the labels given by others or often attached by our “self’s”. We are much more than we imagine our “self” to be, and too often far more than we aim to be. If we have trouble seeing, and being our own true “self” it’s certainly impossible to be the self that so many others create of us. Your post on this was excellent. Only we can control our thoughts, harness our talents, and take the tests life presents us. We are expanding in ways labels can’t confine. I am not my hormonally challenged teenage self, my drunken twenty something self, my military self or my college self. I survived and passed those tests after a time and all the labels that went with them. I have found my “self”
        .
        In my mind your post wasn’t just a statement of Independence, but of testing. You were tested trying to live up to or live down labels, tested in being someone’s this and someone else’s that. These were the words of your self which reached mine:
        .
        “Understanding that I am the only one who can possibly know my intent, I am busy peeling off the negative comparative coating they have glued to my skin. Husking myself is not easy since most of my life I thought the coating was mine although it pinched something awful.
        .
        Happily, I get it now. The many selves formed by the subjective preferences of who enters my life are false. My authentic essence is only available once I understand that the selves others communicate are a lie.”

        April 29, 2017
        1. greunie

          Thank you so much for helping me understand. The more you offered eloquently cleared up my confusion.

          April 29, 2017
  3. lxg123

    So I’m not who you think or need me to be. And your not who I think or need you to be. So we are of very little value to others. And until were true to ourselves were no value even to ourselves. That’s pretty depressing. Sometimes we need to suck it up and be someone were not to help another. And sometimes we need to be someone we know we’re not to survive.lifes not that simple , in a moment of strength or weakness we will react and sometimes it’s not who we are but whom we are at that moment in time that arises. Very few perfectly prepared moments come along where we show or are our geniune self. In an uncontrolled environment such as life, we are surprised, overwhelmed and are unprepared at times, and for that moment in time forget who and what we truly are. I’m far from perfect not have ever claimed to be such. We all live one moment at a time if we’re truthful and sometimes were even very surprised by our own words and actions.

    April 29, 2017
    1. dincali

      very true

      April 29, 2017
    2. greunie

      To lxg123 – I am not sure what your comment is saying in correlation to my post but I thank you for taking the time to leave me your thoughts. One of my favorite quotes applies here: “ I know you think you understand what you thought I said but I’m not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant” In other words, I am scratching my head as to how you perceived my words. In life and as well as here, I have learned that further explanation will only bring deepen whatever perception you already have, so I will refrain from that.

      April 30, 2017
      1. lxg123

        So then are you implying that it would be impossible for me to ever grasp such a concept, so why. Bother taking this any further?

        May 01, 2017
        1. greunie

          No – that is not my intent. By your comment, I see you as an intelligent thinker. However, your comment was not a question but a convinced perception.

          Also, I did not understand how my words caused that perception for you. I was hoping that you would write your perception in a longer correlation so that I may see why you think my blog’s idea is depressing or why you see me saying that we have no value to each other.

          Since my words’ intent is of liberation and respect, I was confused by your perception.

          -

          Yesterday, I wrote a blog addressing that very problem. I find that a conversational comment is not enough when my reader offers me such a conflicting perception to what I have written. There is no disrespect of your intelligence, on the contrary, I think of only an intelligent person would have been interested to read this blog. Someone who is not a thinker would have dismissed me as not entertaining and certainly would not have taken the time to leave me an idea of their own.

          May 01, 2017
  4. depressedgirl

    I think you are a great person. Very kind and understanding. All of your blogs are awesome, making us think. What more can anyone want than that.

    April 30, 2017
    1. greunie

      Thank you for having faith that my intent is noble. How is it going for you these days?

      April 30, 2017
      1. depressedgirl

        Thnks aren’t going to well for me, but after a good nights friend and a talk with hubby and a good friend last night I am better. I like the idea your friend had about the serenity prayer. I am going to try that Sounds so grounded and intelligent. Thanks for sharing that. I am trying to keep on keep on, even though I thought yesterday and last night I could go no further. Thank so much for asking.

        May 02, 2017