I hear the word flaw used on a daily basis.
People will say, I have flaws or faults. These two personally disliked words say nothing but demean the person to which the word is directed.
A flaw is an expectation or desire. A flaw is a habit. A less than beneficial repeated choice ferreting a pathway in the brain we then define as a flawed self. A flaw is simply a something desiring a change.
There is no person alive who is not a fluid process. Much of our language used casually and regularly, perverts this fact, freezing aspects of our fluid process into archived dead things.
When we use the word flaw or fault we impose a rigidity on our fluidity. We bypass remembering ourselves as an aware free will being. Criticizing our choice by construing it a flaw, we deprive our free-will-consciousness of the cognition, we could have chosen otherwise. Judging ourselves flawed, we desecrate our being-ness when in truth it is a matter of choosing otherwise.
The defined self is a compilation of learned or chosen habits unfolding into a story we continue refreshing by self-narrating the story on a moment to moment basis.
In ourselves, as well as in perceiving others, expectations are goal posts to ensure our well-being. Isolating flaws, we discriminate what would maximize our well-being.
When we define flaws in others, it is a reference to subjective needs the other has not supplied. For instance, if I need affection from someone who has a natural tendency for independence rather than connection, I might define them as cold and aloof. In my analysis, they are flawed in being a connector.
In fact, the other is not flawed but rather it is my need for connection that colors them faulted. It is choosing someone who does not need intimacy that creates the problem. The person is fine the way they are. They are not flawed.
The misinformation originated with me - not cognizant, unaware of my needful expectation, I erroneously chose someone who cannot supply what I am expecting. Making this choice does not characterize a flaw in me either, however, as yet, I have not learned two great liberating truths. I am a connector with a propensity for intimacy and choosing someone with a propensity for independence will create a void.
Neither of us is flawed.